current status

“i’m proud of you.” 

“you have the support of your friends”

“that was a very brave thing to do”

“that took a lot of courage”

“you can’t stay at a job you’re completely miserable at”

all of those words were said to me when i quit my job of six and a half years three weeks ago.  as encouraging as those words were, part of me was thinking how stupid could i be?  i kept dwelling on, “how can you quit a job in this horrible economy, glo?  wasn’t i lucky to even have a job?”  i was an accounting supervisor at an insurance brokerage and i made decent money.  what possessed me to do such a thing?  well, many factors.

i felt completely miserable at my job on so many levels:  employees, job tasks piling up, frustration, obscured direction by “management” and another buyout.  feeling overwhelmed, unhappy & completely uninspired, i had to get out.  i needed a major life change and as risky as it was to just up and quit my job, i knew i had to do it.  i knew deep down, in the very core of me, that it was absolutely the best thing i could’ve done for myself.

i haven’t taken more than 4-5 days off in a row from work, for over eleven years now (my fault), so no words can describe this feeling of being free and not enclosed in a stuffy cubicle everyday.  it’s only been three weeks and it feels like a lifetime ago.  i have enough money to get by for several months, so i’m going to take this time out and really focus on me:  my health, my well-being, travelling, trying to live my life to the fullest and on a quest to find out what that ever elusive “being fully content/happy” means.

as for a career, i’m going to be 35 years young this year and i still don’t know what i want to do and that frightens the hell out of me.  there is the music field i’d love to get into and still toying with the idea of going to a recording school.   there’s a cupcake business people keep telling me to start.  i’ve taken some mild interest in writing & copy/editing.  my ultimate job/career goal is to find a freelance job like that where i can work remotely anywhere in the world all while enjoying the freedom to travel. 

speaking of travel, i haven’t really been anywhere in this world. there is so much of the world i need to see.  i’ve been to only six states and mexico.  feeling uninspired as of late, i feel like travelling would boost my inspiration level to new heights.  one of my passions in life is writing music and creating songs on my piano.  although i play my piano all the time, i haven’t been writing as much as i’d like to.  i feel like visiting and experiencing new places & cultures would help tremendously in finding the inspiration needed to write again.  experiencing how the other half of the world lives would definitely help in giving me more perspective on life and the world around us.  i am going to be taking a few trips while i have the free time.

one thing i am learning slowly is that your job shouldn’t define the person you are and thrive to be.  it would be nice if it did and in some cases it does and that can be wonderful, but it’s absolutely unnecessary for me.  if i can find the balance of paying my bills and being completely content with my overall life, then that would make me the richest person in the world (rich in spirit, not wealthy, although that would be nice too!)

so i’m kind of in limbo between taking a break from life and trying to figure out what i want to do with it.  as nice as it’s been, deep down, it’s terrifying not knowing when my next job will be or what it will be, but on the other hand, the unknown is more exciting than being miserable and “safe” in a job you despise.  i’m really excited for what my future holds.   as scary as it may seem, sometimes people have to take risks in order to better their life, well-being & overall happiness.